I spent an extended Week End in Vegas this last month and while separated from my loving and caring computer sex box, I resorted to using my Kindle to read some “nerd” books. I refer to Star Wars books in general as nerd books because they are exactly that. You have to be a very specific person to enjoy them. They are filled with jargon, loop holes, specific terminology and more over a finely tuned quota of revolving themes the reoccur in practically every instance.
This is basically how Star Wars novels go … 1 Male Hero (Jedi) has friends, insert emotionally filled beeping droid, insert another type of droid, insert bounty hunter/smuggler/mandolarian, insert mixed emotion Sith/Jedi/Force-Influenced Persona, tie in End of World Situation. You have yourself a Star Wars book. Pretty easy, but at least they are fun to read.
The Hunger for Actual Literacy
Instead of getting to indulge myself straight into a free downloadable series called the Lost Tribe of Sith, I am forced to, by my significant other, to read the Hunger Games. Insert unhappiness.
To its credit, the Hunger Games is a quick and easy read. When someone on Facebook says “Easy Read”, they are not lying. When they say ‘easy’ they don’t mean because of the story development, they mean literally easy. As in there is no word over 4 syllables. It is a book written with the vocabulary level for a 5th grader. It is an adolescent book and I took it as this when I started.
What get’s my panties in a bunch is the people that love it; my girlfriend, sadly, among them. They love this book, and I cannot figure out why. For those that haven’t seen the Movie or Read the book, here is the quickest angry synopsis you have a hard time finding currently on the internet:
The Earth undergoes a population and structure shattering event long enough ago that we might as well have taken place on an alien planet. When people say “Post-Apocalyptic” they are wrong. It is not. There was something that happened so devastating long ago that it forever changed society in whole, but we are not in a war-torn tribal struggle for existence in the aftermath of a Post-Apocalyptic world. We are probably millennia from the event that changed Earth and are now sitting in a Totalitarian State that may as well be on an alien world it’s so vastly different from all other themes. So, that’s my first disgust with the book; is its mislabeled genre.
The book follows a tom-boy girl that has as much description as everything else in the book, which is plain or vague. Basically, every character including every main character has a name, and that is about where it ends for the narration. If it wasn’t for the use of ‘her’ and ‘him’, we could almost insert whatever gender we felt like for each character. Which is also, one of my strongest distaste in fiction; lack of descriptions. About the only thing we really know about our protagonist, Katriss, is that she had very hairy legs. No joke. We don’t her hair color until book #2, but damned if we don’t know about here childishly hairy legs.
We are told that the world they live in is ruled by 1 grand city of marvel and it controls 12 poor districts that are each responsible for one resource needed by the Capital. By now, the obvious progression of the series should be more than apparent even to someone that jus read the first 3 chapters. Our characters arrive at such capital by train and our genius author decides to give us a glimpse into the glory of this city. In two paragraphs we are left with only that the yellows where the yellowist of yellows.
About the only thing that our author can describe is food. She can’t be bothered to give us a glimpse into what possibly her beloved new friend Rue may look like, but fuck if we don’t know how exactly long and plump the fully whole boar was at the second evening dinner. It’s to the point that only thing I really remember about the first ¼ of the book was how much the author must love food.
Besides the lack of literal descriptions of any characters, is the absolutely poor word choice of new ideas. The author suggests that even though society has fallen apart a rebuilt in a small empire, it has mastered genetic engineering along with other things, mostly highlights of hair styles. In many cases, the evil Capital invented whole new species of animals. Not one of which is named with an even respectable name. The death of some players due to the clever release of (hold your laughter) “Tracker Jackers” on the unsuspecting is completely loss in distress for the reader when the apparent comedy in naming conventions is constantly being stuff down their throat. Which leads me to “Mocking Jays” and the author’s complete lack of understanding metaphors. The author doesn’t let the reader figure out anything. If the artistic style of 5th grade level reading wasn’t enough to make you feel absolutely moronic, the author’s need to explain every single symbol in the book immediately will. If she took the time to actually describe it, then be damned, she takes the time to sock puppet the symbolism to you as well.
I almost didn’t finish the book because of the Werewolf debacle near the end. Apparently, the Capital rounds up the dead bodies of the fallen players and the author suggest, that they turn them into “Wolves walking on Hind Legs”. The way she illustrates this is by having our protagonist recognize the eyes and hair of the players that have died. The bitch can’t remember half their names, despite spending days with each on them on the train. But she can remember their eyes. I think I read in a single sentence in which she points this exact plot hole out, by saying something in terms of remembering the eyes and hair of the boy from District Two.
I almost threw my newly gifted Kindle against the wall, but instead I held on left with an overwhelming desire to punch fat girls. I don’t know why. It took hours for me to come back and finish the rest of the abomination known to many as a new literary work. I still don’t understand, how did this book get this far?
I finished the horrible story and forever deleted the saved book off my library. I had done my deed and conformed to my Lady’s wishes. I was less of a person for doing so. Perhaps this was her plan all along.
Legacy of the Sith and Revan
I wanted to catch up with where SWTOR theme had taken me. There were clearly a great deal of references in the game that I just was ignorant to completely understand. And now that I had completed my mind numbing chore, I could enjoy the blissful ease of poorly orchestrated tales of nothing. I downloaded for my trip the first 8 books of the Lost Tribe of Sith and Old Republic: Revan. Apparently there was more to Revan’s story and this book was supposed to shed that light.
The Lost Tribe of Sith Books are indeed a neat idea. But only because they are free. If I had to pay for them, I would be angry. They are each very short; basically, 2 to 3 chapters each. They follow a lost Sith colony that is separate from all others. You follow from the founding and then to different portions of their individual histories. Unable to leave the planet due to the lack of metals among the resources available, we get to follow the interactions of near primitive Sith culture as they restructure a new life of existence. They are clever and worth the 2 hours it will take you to read through them.
The Old Republic: Revan is another story. It is quite the book in length. And even in its length it has plenty of time jumps where we lose much of the detail in the prior timeline. I have to admit, it is an enjoyable read. This is very well orchestrated in the literal sense for the author to convey the physical displays of combat. Which I find intriguing; how does one describe fighting detail and have the reader understand the same sequence of maneuvers? I see almost every fine detail and to that point can almost see the movie action in my mind. That’s what draws me in. Otherwise, the book has plenty of lame moments. Such is what you will have when reading fiction.
When not on a plane reading and judging fat women, I spent the weekend in Vegas. I made three determinations about the Sin City:
I wish there were no smoking areas. Like an entire resort. So hard to enjoy a long game of Black Jack with my traditional Black Jack drink, Jack Daniels, while having to endure smokers. Yes, many Casinos claim to be non-smoking, but the truth tends only to be for the Poker Rooms only. If you are in the pit, forget it.
I wish old people wouldn’t use sidewalks. A Vegas Block is approximately 5 New York blocks. It’s hard to make your show times when you get to traverse the streets at the average 19.2 miles-an-hour pace. Yeah, I actually calculated it. Vegas needs a monorail right down the strip.
I don’t understand why there were so many kids. Why?
I had fun. But only because of the group we were with. Had it been myself, one friend and Vegas, it probably would have required a string of numerous crimes to entertain myself.
But my new string of reading Star Wars novel has influenced me. I’m wanting to take a shot at small chapters or subsection novel writing. I want to make a blog that post a weekly subchapter release. See if I can write beyond the literary criticisms that have for so much of what should be simplistic reading.
Not sure I would want it associated with this blog. This is for negative rants. I’m not sure I want to two combined. At the same time, I believe I have to gain rights as a fan site as well.
Not sure what I want to do exactly. But I am willing to brainstorm these plotting ideas. Or at least take the time to research what it would take, a plan, and ponder the involvement in such work. Can I withstand my own opinions? I wonder.
Here’s to influences.