Lucas Gives Final F*** Off to Fans

By now you should have read that Lucasfilms was sold to Disney for around $4 Billion. About the same Marvel sold out for in 2009.

And with that purchase, Disney has immediately slated 3 new Star Wars movies in the next few years to follow the story after Episode VI. That’s no shocker. Disney buys Lucasfilms to make money. No shocker there. The big shocker, to me at least is that Disney will be able to release the first film, Star Wars Episode VII in less than 3 years. How? You may ask.

Because apparently the fat asshole that proclaimed no more Star Wars films would ever happen, just happened to be working for the past 4 years on new 3 movie saga in secret.

How can someone that brought us so much joy, continue to be the biggest devious liar that ever apparently lived? Who knows?

Lucas is like your one Uncle that gave you a cool toy at some point in your childhood. And as you age it becomes more and more apparent that this Uncle is a flagrant asshole each time you meet him during the holidays.

The nerd world awaits Disney’s move. Surely, looking at how much the previous films made with massive criticisms, Disney has a great deal of room to improve. The next 3 years of news will be interesting to say the least. Can Disney make us love Star Wars again, without us just fondly remembering the originals?

We can look at their history with Marvel so far and take a gander at the process we might be seeing.

Disney’s first Marvel Film was actually The Avengers. Which I think we can all say, was really entertaining. Disney does know how to make us laugh. And it wasn’t all Iron Man that made us happy either. It was as good as you could make that movie. Because, let’s face it, grouping a bunch of heroes together is usually cause for disaster. We can just watch the evolution of Batman films in the 90’s to prove it.

So +1 to Disney’s ability to improve what looked like a guaranteed train wreck into something memorable.

Disney’s next approach will be Iron Man 3 next year in 2013. Iron Man 1 was fantastic as far a comic hero movies go. But really, the movie was made due to Robert Downey, Jr. really just being able to play himself. Disney buying out Paramount’s rights to continue the Iron Man Saga they had first means Disney is ready to take the full helm.

Sadly, the first Thor wasn’t bad enough. Disney will be making Thor: The Dark World also in 2013. For which only I can’t imagine it could actually be worse than Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. But hey, Thor’s fully capable of being the worst hero ever.

Then it’s on to running more major characters in the ground half heartedly as the next project is Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The first go was pretty anti-climatic. Here is hoping they turn that around.

None of the terrible X-Men recreations or redos in the next couple of years is Disney’s fault. The blame will go to 20th Century Fox. The first Wolverine wasn’t enough for the community to completely fall out of love with Hugh Jackman, they have to do again with The Wolverine in 2013.

Marvel apparently likes to confuse every ones girl friends. 3 Spider-mans and then Amazing Spiderman, left every poor deep hearted nerd to face palming as they each have to go into 15 minute explanations of why Mary Jane isn’t in the movie.

The rebirth of 2 Hulk origin stories didn’t bother anyone though. Not sure that 2 Wolverines will either.

If the whole dozen odd movies for the same super hero was getting old for you. Never fear, Disney thinks the same way. Be on the lookout in 2014 and 2015 for (NO FUCKING JOKE):

Guardians of the Galaxy

Doctor Strange

And … Ant Man.


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