GW2: The Story …

I’m going to be upfront before you dive in. I am particularly jaded when it comes to story in themepark MMOs. RIFT made me want to punch teenage japanese girls for their influence in our gaming culture and GW2 isn’t too far off. Adults play MMOs. Why can we not have adult stories? I don’t mean sexual. I mean, not lame. There is difference between cartoons on Adult Swim and cartoons in the early day on Cartoon Network.  I’m just saying.

I really don’t like the story. I want to hear what they say, I just get lost in the girlish bullshit. However, there have been things that have made me go, “Holy Shit” in the past couple of days (may include spoilers if for some reason you actually enjoy the story): Top 3 for me:

Number 3:

There is a Heart Quest area in which an NPC wants to make the local Hylek population more friendly. Hyleks are giant tribal frog beings. For some reason, blue ones are nice to you. Red colored ones will attack on sight. This NPC notices this as well. Her plan is to paint them blue. Clearly that is the underlining issue. Their skin color. If this is a level 20 mission area I have to assume by level 60 I will be indoctrinated into the SS.

The quest if you so chose to accept it, is to take this paint gun and paint the local Hylek blue. Note the defensive properties of the paint gun are that of sneezing. And just because you turn them Blue, doesn’t make them nice. Also note over half of them are under water.

The area, so long as populated, is filled with over a dozen players going up and spraying a Hylek and running away very quickly as they can’t fight back. The spectical is humorous to watch. Definitely not to do. But if you want to laugh, go here. 

Number 2:

There is another Heart Quest that has you “Clean Up” the road. The basic idea is you are making the road safe for travelers. To do this you need to help terminate the existence of evil nasty Drakes. They seem to attack without warning.

Alternatively, there are Poachers about stealing the Drake’s Eggs from their nest. Stop them by finding defenseless frogs, pick them up and bring them to this (no joke) handy Frog Juicer. This will make you a Frog Essence Potion that you can lob at the poachers to keep them away from the eggs. I couldn’t stop laughing. And then you have to go pick up these frogs, and take them to said juicer. You actually animate carrying a frog.

That alone is fucked up. But then the whole logic of the quest hub is annoying to grasp.

KILL ALL THE DRAKES. LEAVE NONE. Except for their eggs. Let the children grow up parentless. Let them know the pain.

Some really fucked up NPCs.

Number 1:

If you chose the story line of being on the Council of Vigil and you so chose to go help the Hylek, you will start an undead storyline in which you go make nice with a tribe of Hyleks. Who for some reason are so retarded, the undead versions of them are among their populations and they didn’t even notice. Literally, you have 7 normal Hyleks standing there and this behemoth of one rotting in place with half its skin missing and they go on as normal. Apparently the key to convincing them is by opening an eye glass shop or give them nasal spray so they can smell the rotting next to them. But that’s not an option.

One brave Hylek means to aid you to win over the tribe, but first you need to save his brother. You follow and fight numberous undead for this Hylek to only find his brother too late and transformed. You must sadly kill, I guess technically rekill, his brother infront of him. This is sad for me. As for the first time in hours I actually paid attention to the horribly written story. Then your sadness goes from sad to OMFG.

To prove to the council that the undead have taken over, the brother decides that he must take his bother head to the council as proof. This head isn’t in some magical bag. No, the developers animated said severed head grotesquely on his bothers spear. And he continues to run about for 3 missions with said head.

This one I can’t get over. First a writer has to make up the story. That somehow got by review. And then he/she goes to a graphic artist and says “I need you to make me a Spear with Rotting Undead version of a Hylek head on it.” And everyone says “why” I assume. And they get the story and go “that makes sense.”


5 thoughts on “GW2: The Story …

  1. Sounds like a glowing review of the game if the only complaints are nitpicking. Haven’t other MMOs also had their fair share of humorous/pop culture reference quests? A rotting head on a stick sounds cool as well.

    • Actually … these are things I find humorous in the storyline.

      I have submitted over 21 bug/defect reports in the last 2 days for zones over the 50 level threshold. Cleary not enough testing. It’s been annoying to me. While others claim not as buggy as other games release, those games can’t also say they weren’t forced to release and were able to take their time making this game. To me, 5 years and months of testing, these bugs are no excuse. But, without the subscription, do I really expect them to get taken care of.

      I like having real PVP design in the game. And I can stand this storyline/PVE since it’s only once. Really I should be levelling via PVP only. But the common WvWer isn’t upto par. So going solo and making XP is difficult at the moment.

      Same can be said if you wanted to level via Open RvR in WAR in Oct 2008. Not possible. Wait a couple months for the populace to realize how and then you can.

    • Yeah. I watched as well.

      The story of the quest is stupid. The logic is retarded. And quiet frankly, poorly thought through.

      A positive example of variety? I guess that’s true, so long as you have never fucking played an MMO in your whole godamn life.

      Sure Diet Coke taste like regular Coke. I’ve just never had a Coke before.

      The only variety is the logic loop hole the writers didn’t care to explain. The only objective was “let’s see how silly we can be”. Fuck real meaningful story or objectives. No, I wanna laugh.

      Truly angry joe is nothing more than a sell out. “I love the combat system, it’s all skill based”. So untrue. Even in his videos he’s smashing 1 like a real warrior. Gw2 is actually the complete opposite of skill. You don’t even need to press a button the system will actually for you. Movement keys is all you need.

      It’s sad. Truly sad. I’ve rename angry joe to marketing joe.

  2. Pingback: GW2: The Story … Part 2 | Mr. Meh's Supplication

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