** Warning – I have written with every intention of offending ***
SWTOR is a great game. It has captivated me and so long as BioWare has plans for more PVP (please don’t make the RIFT mistake) the game will probably hold me for a long time. I love so much of the game, but there’s so much I don’t understand. And a lack of understanding means, I should criticize it. Without further ado, here’s my list of the overlooked ridiculousness that should have had as second look before release:
#1: Lame Republic PVE
Since I have been fortunate enough to play both Agent, Inquisitor followed by Trooper and Consular storylines I can answer these facts:
- Light side choices make for a lame, lame, lame story. If you like pressing the number 1, then get ready for a lot of “Yes Sir!” and “For the Jedi!”
- Republic stories are broken. I first saw Scary’s post on it and wondered how many coke lines did he do. Works fine, I thought. Yeah, no, he’s right. Apparently all of Republic’s storylines and movies are broken. They have massive amounts of black out screening and lots and lots of stupid acting NPCs in backgrounds.
- While we are on Republic poorly written and edited storylines let’s talk about lameness. If you play a Trooper, be ready for pointing for no reason with your Assault Cannon in hand. Think that thing would be hard to control in real life? Guess again, weakling. Your trooper can wave it about with only a pinky. Why don’t you go work out now?
- Also, it’s hilarious to actually read or watch the poor stories. On the Consular, as if BW did this on purpose, I can name 4 times now that a Miraluka said “Oh, it’s good to see a <insert random adjective> face”.
- For when there are dark side choices you can make, deciding to kill people, et cetera, many NPCs are broken. Meaning, many times I have spearheaded into save this captured/lost/pinned squad to have troops fist pumping in the background as to be cheering for me. Only to then make a dark side choice to kill the incompetent/moron/idiot squad leader. The squad stops and gasp and as I cut him down they go back into the jump fist pumping frenzy as if nothing happened.
- Also, it seems I have to defuse a lot of bombs. As if Imperials can only do 3 things; send solo Siths to cause random delinquencies in the galaxy, pin down incompetent squads, and plant random bombs on debris not even worth blowing up. And for some reason someone always wants to talk to me when I’m defusing. This is how the conversations go:
- I’m kneeled over.
- Random dude: Hi.
- I stand up.
- Me: What the fuck do you want?
- I kneel back over.
- Random dude: Oh, I was sent here to talk to you about something that could wait.
- I stand back up.
- Me: Please go away.
- I kneel back over.
- Random dude: Oh, I can’t. That would be lazy story writing. We can’t have poorly written and lazy at the same time.
- I stand back up.
- Me: Why the hell haven’t I been given an option 3 to kill you yet?
- Rinse and Repeat until your thumbs breaks from Space Baring.
#2 Body Shape Option
BW: We will provide the user 4 types of body frames to customize your character.
<Insert Public Cheering>
They will be….
And … Muscularly Fat
<What the Fuck>
Here’s my beef. I just want to be tall. It is possible to be tall without being … a Body Builder. I’m okay with how unpopular the Tiny frame is. No one picks it. That makes me happy. Because then it’s rare.
Here’s what’s not rare: Fat Asses.
Here’s why it’s popular:
Because you made Fat into heroic fat, BioWare. Let’s face it. If your past time is MMOs, then your past time is probably shared with McDonalds and Chips (and not just regular chips, we are talking lard soaked grandma’s style heart attack by 55 flavor chips). The likelihood is high. I’m not going to judge all of you. But I’m pretty sure many brinks on the edge of disability.
Horay, you gave the fatties a body option to play in game, BW. “I’m fat in real life and my character is too”. Horay. And just like my delusions in real life, I translate my 120 pounds of over-weightiness to 120 of muscle. And my avatar speaks to that in volumes. Point proven.
There was nothing wrong with making a fat option. There was something wrong with making Fat look like an Apple, instead of the Pear.
I forgive all characters that make John Candy, Fatty or Adele references in their names. All other fatties are unforgiven and are being judged by everyone. Just so you know.
You know why it’s on this list, BioWare.
How does one absorb 70% of the RvR inventing Studio (Mythic) that has learned the hard way every aspect of making balanced and fun Open PvP, only to ignore everything they did in the last 4 years?
I am baffled.