DC Universe Online: Customer Support is Run by the Joker

So earlier this month, I’m so tied up in RIFT Beta that I completely lose all interest in anything else. But as we approached the last Beta, I realized, I need something to entertain me for a month or so. As it would seem, there was a game releasing this last Tuesday after the RIFT Beta session called DC Universe Online. That should do the trick. Browsing reviews, beta impressions, and comments on the main MMO sites made it obvious that this wasn’t your typical MMO of grinding XP and gear. But its PVP sounded very promising. So I pre-ordered the game, and patiently took a day off gaming on Monday ready for this release on Tuesday.

It is now hour 11, in which I can only think how naive it is of me to think I was just going to be able to login to an MMO on launch day. How utter silly of me. We were able to preload the game last night, and I did. So no, none of that 11 hours is filled with loading. There was a small 1 GB patch that took only 15 minutes to get loaded in. No, for about 10 hours I have been staring at this baby:

It takes about 5 minutes, then finally says, STFU and Leave. Actually, it says the servers are not connecting and ask you to exit and relaunch.

You go through your normal routines, checking Firewalls, Proxy settings, and even Router Ports and then you realize you are at the mercy of the forums. You can at least take comfort that you aren’t alone, not by a slim minority either. And on top of that, you can add a ton of other issues that you can at least sigh in relief to the fact you got further than that. But of all the Forum chatter in the Support Area, the responses of Developers is almost near non-existent. To when they do, they chime in with a small, almost basic responses that help no one, then disappear to never be seen again.

Well, there is this giant sticky about contact for help. How nice of that phone line to be disconnected. To the online support then … approximate wait time: 1:30 hours. Place in Queue 189. Ewww.

Well, let’s keep that open and try other things. Like sending them an email that they would rather you use instead of waiting in queue. My inbox still has the confirmation email sitting on the top position as of this post, almost 24 hours later. I’m so glad I only left work a tiny bit early instead of taking the day off. Rush to 2 hours later and a nice chime did hear, but there was a TSR, and a shiny new hope did through my eyes appear. I’ve decided not to show the TSR exact name that “helped” me. For it seems, that the script that they were given to help people, was to simply trick you into losing internet connection. So this may read not so flattering, and I’m not real easy to deal with either.

 TSR Broseph H.: no problme, I am here.
 TSR Broseph H.: is this for DCUO?
 yeah
 Stuck with the Connecting to Server Login issue, any help or advise?
 TSR Broseph H.: one more moment
 TSR Broseph H.: so you get this error when you login?
 Yes, since I couldn’t get past the patcher otherwise
 TSR Broseph H.: do you have a router?
 No, I translate the internets through my mind to the computer screen
 Yes, Obviously I would have one
 TSR Broseph H.: ok
 TSR Broseph H.: try connecting straight into your modem and bypassing your router.
 My Modem and is a Router Modem, its one in the same, no seperate porting router
 TSR Beoseph H.: Then we need to restart your Modem
 then lose this chat session
 And then have to wait for another 2 hours to chat with you again
 Nice try, no
 I have  a fast (FIOS) internet connection and it shares with nothing, not even WiFi
 TSR Broseph H.: Yes, but the port ranges may be having some issues.
 It’s not that
 TSR Broseph H.: It could be your Firewall and Proxy settings
 Those were turned off a long time ago.
 TSR Broseph H.: Yes, but the firewall can still block ports even while not running
 What Ports specifically does it need?
 TSR Broseph H.: Firwalls can set settings
 You mean internet settings?
 I already set them to default, and even took the dev’s advise on the forums and reset the IE settings too.
 TSR Broseph H.: Are you sure that the Firewalls are off?
 Yes
 TSR Broseph H.: Let’s make sure. Go to Run and find the msconfig
 Okay
 TSR Broseph H.: Goto Start Up tab, Disable all and Apply

I didn’t even blink or think about it. As soon as I clicked Apply I realized what had happened. He got me. This is just the control for what’s allowed to start-up at boot of Windows, it wouldn’t take effect now, it has to restart. Whats worse is, msconfig doesn’t give warnings for “Are you sure” on default unless you set it that way in Control panel. Your computer goes immediately to reboot. You SOB, you got me, as my computer is so fast I was practically as my BIOS boot as my left finger unclicked the mouse button. Which it doesn’t matter. Clearly they had no idea. But I was angry at myself for a while in being able to be tricked.

I actually spent way more time trying to figure this out then I give myself credit for. In the end, I only realized a couple of things:

• When rating studios on Customer Support, don’t use 0 to 10. Use SOE to 10, because there is a rank below zero.
• Don’t assume the game was made for up to date graphics. Check your drivers and roll them back a year if you use ATI.

Yeah, believe it or not, I’m not positive that was the exact problem, but I took random advise on the forums and rolled back my drivers for my ATI graphics card. Sure enough, I was able to create Mister Meh, Captain Obvious and Doctor McNinja this morning at  9 AM.

I almost did very little in playing as I ran around as Captain Obvious using /say to point out things like “This wall is made from bricks” and “When I fly, I defy gravity.”