Soapbox: Your Name is now Mr. Toolbag


Before you stop reading because you think this about views on Blizzard’s identity fiasco, it’s not really. It is inspired by the events, but this goes into common sense. So please read on.

By now, this is at least the 15th post, article or bullshit you have read about Blizzard setting up a versitable online community by opening up a voluntary system that will display your real first and last name, as well as link everything about you and your characters to these profile. You want more details, go find them elsewhere. Ultimately, it is a voluntary system. The reasons behind it could be many. I would imagine, besides building an online gaming Facebookish community, I’m sure Blizzard would also hope this would settle the trolls, flamers and ranting asshats the everyday make it their business to grief, moan and bitch someone out. And that would fail, but then again I don’t care.

That’s all for their gamers and industry to care about for the future. What I really want to get at is: How is this upsetting the community and why are you using your real name?

Go ahead show my real name as it is on my gaming account. It’s Nicky Crapplesauce. I have had that name for any website, any online community, and any form that wants any real information other than the government throughout 2008. You don’t need to know my real name Mr. Game System or Online Community. And it also makes it very obvious which companies sell info when you do that too. I really love those junk mail offers I receive for Mr. Manfred von Richthofen; thank you NCsoft of 2004. Though I noticed you never sold my information on Mr. Lothar von Richthofen when I signed up for Aion…. yet.

The point is, is if your name is Jimmy Ninjafart, why would you even tell Blizzard that? Why are you telling anyone that other than loved ones, your government, your employer, or your banks? Do you think they care that your credit card name doesn’t match your account name? Because no one would ever use another names’ credit cards. Wives and husbands never purchase things for their loved ones; neither do parents; and newly married women always get their credit cards updated the instant they change their name (if they do that anymore, I don’t know); there is no way that someone has a hyphenated name that a billing system doesn’t accept. The account name clearly means nothing to the billing department. Sure if fraud is being investigated, they might finally see that the names not match. But in practically all cases, there is not a billing system out there that gives a shit what your Credit Card’s name is.

This isn’t a conspiracy; this isn’t the start of the Matrix, Neo. Don’t think everything is watching you and plotting your demise (I’m joking, they are, I’m watching you right now). It’s just simple, there is no reason anyone on the internet needs your real information. Why you are giving it in the first place is beyond comprehension.

If you were out in the mall, and some guy holding a clipboard was offering you some dipshit pass to some crapville thing of crapulance (you might be a Scatologist and care) and wanted your name, number and address; you’d make shit up. So why, oh why, are you treating the internet any different, Mr. Toolbag?

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2 thoughts on “Soapbox: Your Name is now Mr. Toolbag

  1. I’m disappointed in you Mr. Meh. I never thought you’d care enough about this FakeID crap to make a post about it. :P

    I was going to do a post showing that I don’t care. But that would already be caring too much. And it takes some effort. I’m lazy

    I like your weekly thought tho.

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